Falling in Love

Hi again~

I don’t know why but I feel like my world has turned to blue these few times so I think it’ll be better for me to share some about my love life. It’s not much actually, considering my own age which isn’t young anymore.. Don’t ask me to count what times I have falling in love before, because actually I don’t really know the exact number of how many times already I fall in love.

Sometimes ago, I read a fanfic, which tells me clearly the difference between you love someone and you are in love with someone~ And here, I want to share about falling in love to someone special. I have some favorite fanfic authors who always give me some beautiful sentences, or deep meaning, behind their fanfic. Suddenly, why falling in love?

I believe that each one of us has felt this type of syndrome, I mean, fall in love syndrome.. The feeling of riding a roller coaster, it brings you up at a time, and suddenly you just feel like falling to the ground? Feeling the utmost shyness when meeting your crush? Feeling that this world suddenly revolves around him/her, and only him/her? Feeling like you can do almost everything for your crush? Etc. etc.. (I can’t stop smiling when writing these syndromes).. Yeah, I’m in the state of loving someone right now, although this specific man has declared to me that he treats me as friend only.. I am over my broken heart state because really, I am an adult already, the pain should remain pain as long as I still love him, but it won’t change anything between us.. So I mean, come on.. You only live one time, just enjoy your journey~

So basically, what I want to share this time?

There are many stories I can tell here but I prefer to tell you the most recent story I have experienced.

I dated my classmate since university, we had a beautiful 5 years dating time. It ended about two years ago, when he told me that he loved me, yet he couldn’t promise me marriage yet anytime soon. Of course at that time, my world felt like crushing down. I couldn’t find any reason for him to tell me something as simple as that, that late. I had known his family so well, I got close to all of them already. At that time, I just felt that my world suddenly turned dark. At that time.. Initially, I thought the impact of  the ending our relationship won’t be too much for me to handle, but it proved that it still was too much. I couldn’t really like other men. I doubted almost everyone too much. At that time, I lost my confidence to like anybody else..

It’s almost two years that my relationship with my previous boyfriend has been over. It almost feel that I don’t really know how to like other person anymore. I always hear this phrase comes to me, “the right person will come to you eventually at the right time”.. I trust this phrase, of course.. But I am not really sure whether my situation fits this phrase already.. These two years time, I meet many new people because I change work two times. I still can’t find the ‘right one’, ’till the point that I ask to myself whether I still have the ability to like others. Well, my opinion isn’t proven valid, until one of my university friend  introduces me to one of her coworker. See, I’m all smiling again because of him.. He really colors up my world.. Where should I start this story from?

We actually work in different company, but we work for the same client so we have the same workplace. We can’t meet often because actually he comes to my workplace at least once a week. We know each other informally, because I ask my friend to introduce him via my facebook account only. He’s too shy, so almost one month since he asks me to be his friend in facebook, we never exchange any message. We don’t even talk to each other when we meet, we just keep seeing each other, like we get curious about each other but we can’t really talk to each other. I really want to get to know him better, because without realizing it, I develop my interest to him. One time I see him get really down, seems like he gets hard work.. I hate seeing him so down like that, so I decide to ask his condition via facebook. That’s where our conversation grows. From exchanging message  in facebook, until exchange cell number, until exchange gtalk account. Our conversation growth from once a week, once in a three days, and once a day.. Although I always be the one who start the conversation, I can feel that he also has this fun time chatting with me.. We get closer each day, but something gone wrong.. I accidentally send him message that I like him a lot.. and that’s the start of our awkward relationship.. He still responds my chat, but it decreases until the point that he’ll just answer my question only.. Our relationship has been this awkward since three months ago.. I get an information that one of his friend who understand our situation, tells one of my friend that this man has been so afraid ever since I tell him I like him a lot..

So I lost him already, I still love him, but I have to walk away.. For someone who I don’t really know his personality that well, for someone who I just know for about roughly one month, for someone who I don’t really know why I fall for him, I think three months is enough time to move on.. But it seems that it’s not really the case.. So I ever read this one beautiful fanfic again, and this sentence below hurt me a lot..

Love, friendship, hatred and all other emotions… they can spring from something so small and seemingly superficial like a weed in the garden you purposely leave out each time you tend to the flowers. You blink once and it has grown and multiplied and it gets difficult to pull out because it has already taken root on the soil. Just like people. It gets difficult to pull them out. They get difficult to forget because short as the meeting might be, they may already have taken root… in your heart.

In the midst of moving on, I really hope that this person can be happy, can find his soul mate soon, maybe only then I can just move on.. And oh, my own soul mate, where are you? I miss you a lot, really.. Can you come quickly and pick me up?

I miss you~

So how about your falling in love story? Care to share with me?

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